This fella, and a few of his friends were our "dinner guests" in the best Lobster Feast I've ever had. 

First things first,  they spread plastic wrap on the wooden dining room table. Once they had a double layer of that down on the table, they then spread newspapers all over the table, double-thick layers of that too. 

Plates, forks, long picks, crackers, butter knives and butcher knives came out next, followed closely by a few different dipping bowls of garlic infused drawn butter. 

A whole roll of paper towels finished the prep work, the next thing to come out were 8 big lobsters like this guy. There were 6 of us eating, and in no time, the sound of cracking shells, slurping butter and content diners filled the room. 

I'm going to do my best,  as a Texan, to explain how to break down a Lobster. 

First of all, be careful. Sure, they aren't alive any more so you don't have to worry about the claws, but they are spiny and some of those spines are sharp. Also, where the shell breaks, there are sharp edges. As you eat them, your skin will get wet, they'll get slippery and your wet skin will be more susceptible to little cuts and punctures from the Lobster. Believe me though, before you turn away thinking this is too much, it's worth all of the effort. 

The seasoned Lobster eaters at the table with me broke these suckers down in no time, and the learning curve is fast. By the time we were done, I had gotten pretty good at this myself. 

Ok...so, first things first, in your primary hand (I'm right handed), grasp the tail of the lobster, just below the body, grasp the body in your secondary hand. 

Twist the body and tail in two different directions, until the tail snaps off. 

You should have a large tail in your right hand now. Set the body down and carefully pinched the first two sections of the lobster tail-shell until they crack, then peel those off. Work your way down the tail snapping off those sections until you can hold the base of the tail and wiggle all of the meat out. The shell now goes into the scrap bowl. 

Holding the tail meat, near the wide part where it met the body, on the top, there is a thin strip that runs the length of the tail on top, just like the vein on a shrimp. Once you find the right strip, you can just pull that off carefully, the whole length of the tail, then clean out that trough of dark stuff beneath. 

Now you have a whole, beautiful tail to work with. You can either eat that, or you can keep working and break down the claws. I say go for the claws, so you can eat in peace. 

With the claws, break off the smaller joints, use one of the long, thin picks to remove the flesh from those joints, snack on those as you go to hold yourself over. 

When you get to the main claws themselves, carefully bend down the thinner jaw of the claw and remove that. Shift aside that bit of tendon in the way, then use the pick to fish out that bit of claw meat in that small section. This piece is long enough to dip in your butter. 

Now, for the main claw, there are a few different trains of thought, I'll give you mine. I go for the crackers, and I crack that sucker, carefully, until I can remove large portions of the claw-shell until I can fish out the entire piece of claw meat whole. 

Do the same for the other side now, and get to eating. Don't forget your garlic butter!!

Once you're done though, you're not really done. Now you can remove the legs. Bite down with your front teeth carefully on the leg at the first joint, then bite right behind that, right behind that, etc. working your way back until the meat pops out in your mouth. Then pull off that piece of chewed on leg and go to town on the next joint. Continue with the next leg. 

Once THAT'S all done, you can then remove the "tamale" from the inside of the body and eat that (I like it, but many people don't. Think of it as Lobster Liver, if you want). Now you can completely de-construct the body and fish out those bits of really tender meat that are attached to the joints where you removed the claws and leg. It's tougher work in here, but worth it. 

Of course, the question now is, what to eat for sides? If you're in Texas or someplace where Lobsters are insanely expensive, you're going to love your lobster, but you're not going to be full. So corn, potatoes, potato salad, coleslaw could all go with your lobster feast. 

However, if you're up here in Cape Breton where you might be able to get Lobster for as little as $4.00 a pound if you're lucky, then don't even think about sides, because by the time you're done demolishing and devouring your first lobster, the second or third wave, just like our third wave pictured below, will be coming out. (Oh, one more note, left over lobster is great if its all chopped up and served on a french roll with some mayo, salt and pepper as a lobster sandwich).